you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
