he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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