My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
