Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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