There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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