A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
