she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
