I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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