I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
