Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
