I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
