I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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