You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
