well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wear drunk well.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
