I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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