I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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