So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
