I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
