I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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