Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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