Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
