My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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