I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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