life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
