and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
