OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
