I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
