sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
