he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
