Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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