Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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