Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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