Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
