If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
