Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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