he puts the penis in happiness.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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