you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
