He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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