just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I touched a dick in church today
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
wow bdsm is so cute
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
