i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's get the cat blown out
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
