just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
