Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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