Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
