I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
