I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
