apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
