in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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