After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
