My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
