I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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