Porn is love you can see.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
