every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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