I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
