Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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