I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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