all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
