i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
