Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
