sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
