You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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