I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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