I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
