After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
