I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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