Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
