You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
