we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize