plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
