Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I've blown a few things in my day
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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