yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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