He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
