At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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