I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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