Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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