dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
