brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
