My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
